


Sleepsongs

by luvkurai, thisisthefamilybusiness



Series: Sing Me To Sleep [2]
Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Angst, Child Death, Hurt/Comfort with no real comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Polyamory, Polygamy, Postpartum Depression, Stillbirth, Suicidal Thoughts, lots and lots of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-09
Updated: 2014-05-09
Packaged: 2018-01-24 02:03:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1587578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvkurai/pseuds/luvkurai, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisisthefamilybusiness/pseuds/thisisthefamilybusiness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In Will's dreams he is holding her, a beautiful alpha baby girl with brown-blonde hair and blue eyes that will eventually darken into reddish-brown. She is warm in his arms and she coos happily up at her mother when he holds her closer.</p><p>These happy dreams are worse than the nightmares of blood and horror, because these stay with him, reminders of what could have been, what should have been.</p><p>He'd wanted it so badly.</p><p> </p><p>(An alternate take on "Lullaby.")</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sleepsongs

**Author's Note:**

  * For [luvkurai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvkurai/gifts), [thesardonicsalmon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesardonicsalmon/gifts).



> luvkurai recieves nearly fully credit for this, which is why I credit her as both co-author and marked this as gift for her. She wrote a breathtaking ficlet for this alternate version of her werewolf AU, which you can find [here on her tumblr](http://luvkurai.tumblr.com/post/84916753780/matthew-doesnt-give-one-of-his-babies-to-will), based on an ask by pocketwill/thesardonicsalmon. Said ficlet stuck with me and I knew I wanted to write more in this AU.

He hasn't felt any movement in the past three days.

No kicks, no stretches, no hiccups. Nothing.

The pack midwife reassures Will that it's normal to feel a reduction in fetal movement, especially right before going into labor. Pups just run out of space in the womb and can't do somersaults anymore.

But he knows, he knows instinctively: something is wrong. He's overdue by three days now and his baby isn't moving like he's gotten used to. The midwife is wrong, despite all her reassurances that it's all normal.

He rests his hands on the curve of his belly and inhales sharply. He wants to believe it. He wants to believe he's just overdue, that he just miscalculated his dates and that his baby ran out of space to kick, that soon his own beautiful little pup will lie in a crib next to Matthew's pups, rosy-pink with health.

He wants to believe it so badly.

He doesn't tell Hannibal he hasn't felt any movement; his alpha has more important duties than worrying about Will overreacting to what could be nothing. He doesn't tell Matthew, either; his fellow omega is far too busy with his own three newborn pups. He doesn't want to burden his mates unnecessarily.

But he wakes on the eighth day past his due date with a fever and a sharp pain in his side, and he knows for sure now that he was right, that something was wrong.

It takes a little under two hours for him to reach full labor, but he starts bleeding before he can even begin trying to push.

He bleeds and bleeds and bleeds, until he feels light-headed and sleepy even as the midwife tells him he can't go to sleep now, that he needs to stay with them. There's so much blood, more blood than Will thinks he's ever seen in his life, and then the world twists around him and cuts to black.

* * *

In his dreams he is holding her, a beautiful alpha baby girl with brown-blonde hair and blue eyes that will eventually darken into reddish-brown. She is warm in his arms and she coos happily up at her mother when he holds her closer.

Sometimes he feeds her, in these dreams, and she drinks healthily, contentedly from him, one of her tiny hands pressed against his skin for support. Or he just sits in bed and holds her, counts her perfect little toes and fingers, plays with her.

Sometimes she is older, in a pretty pink sundress with her soft brown curls pulled into pigtails, playing in the sunny yard outside their den. She calls him Mommy and hugs him tightly, plays peacefully with her half-siblings, laughing and smiling all the while.

These happy dreams are worse than the nightmares of blood and horror, because these stay with him, reminders of what could have been, what should have been.

He'd wanted it so badly.

Matthew offers to let Will help with his pups, but Will has always been able to know what goes unsaid between words, and he knows Matthew means that _if you cannot have your pups, you can help me raise mine, let them know you as a mother too_.

He says no thank you, and afterwards Matthew avoids being near Will whenever he has to tend to his children, like he's afraid he'll seeming like he's gloating over their health.

* * *

Will doesn't clean like he used to, even once the midwife has cleared him to return to his usual routine. His chores take everything out of him, what little energy he feels like he has left. He sleeps, though never well and always restlessly, for the most part, napping curled up next to Matthew on one of the heavy carpets or sandwiched between his mates on their big bed, always in his human form. He eats what is put on his plate at mealtimes, though he is never hungry and all the food tastes bland to him.

He feels only hollow.

He'd wanted it so badly.

Will tries to imagine going into heat come springtime again, but he can't actually imagine it, can't imagine trying for pups once again when he has a lurking knowledge that he might lose the baby again.

He can't imagine much in his future, truthfully. The winter is bleak outside, and the cold has been slowly creeping inside too. It suits his mood.

* * *

Will isn't sick, not in any conventional way, nothing they know any medicine or cure for.

He's just.... weak, easily tired, prone to catching chills.

Hannibal assures Matthew over and over again that Will will heal, that he will recover soon enough, but it is just as much reassurance for his mate as it is for himself.

* * *

Will kisses Matthew and Hannibal good night before tugging up his share of the covers, feeling Matthew curl up beside him.

Will thinks of the midwife handing him a squirmy, crying bundle in white birthing blankets. He dreams of his baby girl, pink with health and warm in his arms.

He does not wake once in the night from nightmares or restlessness.

* * *

As far as deaths go, passing while asleep is as peaceful a death as anyone could hope for.

But knowing that Will had died painlessly, never noticing when his temporary darkness turned into a permanent one, did not make it any easier on anyone.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to the amazing luvkurai, as always, for being patient with me and letting me play in her creative sandbox; it's always a pleasure.
> 
> [luvkurai on tumblr](http://luvkurai.tumblr.com) // [my own tumblr](http://claricemstarlings.tumblr.com) // [pocketwill on tumblr](http://pocketwill.tumblr.com)
> 
> For anyone confused: this is an alternate take on Lullaby, the first work in this collection, with 300% more sadness added. Also, I DO have a second bit to this, as I marked this as multi-chaptered forever ago, but I have writer's block with the ending of it at the moment. I will post it soon, though, I promise!


End file.
